The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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