I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i think i just lost a toe
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
