I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I will be naked everywhere
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
