i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
