Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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