how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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