I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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