If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
