I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
