Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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