What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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