we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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