She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
