like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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