i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
