The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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