I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
