Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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