Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
