I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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