I think I won the penis lottery.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
