P.S. I can't hear my feet
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
