Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
