how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
