Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
