im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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