Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
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