Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
