You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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