I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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