My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
