Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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