Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
