I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
