So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
bring money and cleavage
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
