Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
