i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
