I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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