stop calling my apartment porn island.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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