People in love make me want to vomit
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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