I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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