I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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