What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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