I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
