ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
