just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
