Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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