You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
