It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
