my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
