by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
