Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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